There are so many who shield themselves from pain by erecting a wall so high that noone can penetrate it. They hold onto a woman by walking away from them. At the same time their feet carry them footsteps away from a woman they hold out their hand from behind and capture her fingertips so that she is still in reach. They are so busy walking away to the safety of their aloneness that they can not see what is in front of them.

They love, with their hearts the same as women do, but they do not know how to show it. The strongest warrior lives in fear of nothing. He doesn't even fear death. He doesn't fear a knife, a gun, a bow, a man, but they will fear a woman and the emotions she brings to their world. Or does he simply fear himself and the depth that his emotions will allow him to feel?

A woman is the only one that can tie his soul in a knot. She is the only one that is unforgettable in their memory, yet they keep her at arms length. Why? Why can he not see that each time he looks at her beauty, he sees her as beautiful because it is love shining in her eyes for him? Why does he continue to place the wall of stone about his heart so that it can not be harmed? Because he fears.

The emotion of love will slip through the tiniest crack in even the hardest heart. Unbidden, unheeded, it will ease its way inside without warning, and there is nothing one can do to stop it. He will think of her in odd moments. It could be something simple she said, the way her hair shines in the mornings sun, her intelligence and spirit, the way she caressed his cheek, or the night of passion they have shared. She will enchant him and he her and when he realizes it, he makes his heart a fortress and nothing can penetrate the defenses. He will deny himself the beauty of her company and turn his head from her and walk away, but he will reach behind him and hold onto her fingertips.

This causes more emotional turmoil that simply letting nature (emotions) take their course. The more he pulls away from her, the more she will want more than he is willing to give. It is her nature. It is the nurturing side of her that she can not control. She will fall in love when he wishes to be "just friends" yet he becomes jealous if she mentions another. She will want his attentions when he has not the time (or does he just not take the time) to give them. She will sit for hours and wait upon his simplest hello. A woman is an open book. She needs to know she is loved. She needs to feel beautiful. She needs the "whole" of the relationship and can not emotionally deal with "just being friends." Why?

That question has plagued both sexes in relationships since time began. He fears opening his heart. He sees it as a weakness a man can ill afford. That is bologna, you and I both know it. I think that if one does not open their heart to beauty it can not find them. How to explain? Its much like a new budding flower still fresh on the vine. Its leaves green and tightly woven around its delicate center. The greenery shielding the beauty within from dust, from insects, from anything that would damage the soft center in anyway.

If the green shell of protection, like the fortress around his heart, does not open, the flower inside, the beautiful petals can never see sun. They can never drink the wonder and essence of rain. Being closed inside the fortress, a heart (like the soft petals, like a relationship) can not grow. It is not allowed experience the beauty and enchantment that it fills it with laughter, with smiles, with some pain, but more than that, it fills with love.

It does not have to be the love of a lifetime. The love that fairytales are written about. If you want that kind of love, get a book. That kind of love does not exist. Wouldn't it simply be nice to have the deep kind of love, the kind of love that way down deep in your soul satisfies you to no end? The kind of love that makes you think how lucky you are that he/she is a part of your life. A deep friendship with a little added sensualism and pleasure makes for a beautiful, glorious relationship. Cultivate that kind of love and not the "ohmygod I'm gonna die without him, let's mate like minx and live happily ever after" kind of love. Be friends first and lovers second. Enjoy one another's intelligence and wit as well as their lovemaking. Enjoy simply holding hands as much, if not more than, passionate kisses. Open yourself to beauty and you will find you will cherish each moment to savor over and over like a favorite memory.

Stop holding another responsible for a past lovers mistakes and transgressions upon you. If I had done this after a very painful breakup (the ending of a ten year relationship), I would have never...ever...met some of the most beautiful human beings on this earth.

My point to all of this is, and I so sincerely hope that who inspired this essay understand it completely, if you do not open your heart, even after being betrayed, even after being disappointed, even after being hurt, you will never find the beauty that can be shared between a man and a woman and you will never…ever…be complete.

Open your heart....