I learned that each time we ignore our inner voice, we shrink a little inside ourselves. The more we deny that voice, the more we fear that if we rise up to our full height and declare our truth, we'll be rejected, reviled, abandoned, unloved. But the opposite is true. We can't expect to have authentic relationships with others unless we trust ourselves first. Its ok to say I don't like this, please don't do this, please don't make me do that. Communicate. You may not be in control of the situation as a slave, but you do have the power to say "No, I will not do that." And if you are strictly an online slave, you have the power to click the little X to end the chat session. Yes there may be hell to pay afterwards but you do not have to take verbal or written abuse in any way, shape, or form. If you are online and you are sitting there "taking" such abuse you are a fool and deserve just what you get for being that foolish.

I believe that when you realize who you really are, you understand that nothing can stop you from becoming that person. Trust that, even if you prove nothing, you are better off standing up for what you believe and I don't mean standing up as if a warrior to battle. I mean standing up, communicating, laying your world right there and letting him know how you feel.

Instead of relying on what you know in your bones, you are seeking the approval of him, strive to make him happy and try to live up to his expectations. You bend over backward to be "good slave, to make the "right" decisions to be "successful", to do the ten thousand things you believe you're supposed to do. "In trying to please other people," the Greek philosopher Epictetus said," we lose our hold on our life's purpose." And over time, our inner voice grows increasingly faint.

But raine, "How do I please him when I really don't want to do what he wants me to do? How do I maintain the bond between us when I am fighting within myself? Being a slave, I am to put his desires and needs before my own. What do I do when those desires and needs are not mine and make me cringe inside? How long do I sit and be ignored? Why doesn't he say he cares? I've tried to talk to him honestly, but he says that I am a slave, I am owned, and I will do what I am told to do."

Start by noticing the moments when you're tempted to betray your truth-from the little white lies you tell to please him, ("Yes, I just love being tied up and caned until I am bruised for two days." "No I don't mind that you are spending hours on end with someone else.") when inside you know you hate it.

You can be so overwhelmed by fear and confusion (and the thoughts that he will leave you), that you won't have a clue as to what your real feelings are. You are beginning to lose yourself and live for him and him alone. Where did "you" go? Yes, it is only natural to put his needs before your own, however you can not lose yourself in that transaction. When you stop listening to your inner voice, you begin to disappear. You begin to lose what attracted him to you in the first place.

Once you begin to realize your own truth, you'll need to act on that knowledge which is not always easy when you are owned. Be tactful, learn the art of persuasion, be honest and communicate openly. ("When you ignore me for a day or two it is no big deal, I have come to expect it, but when it is a week or so, or you are there communicating with others going on and on, it makes me feel inadequate to meet your needs and I wonder why you keep me. Why do you?")

At some point in your life you have to learn to take full responsibility for your own happiness. You can not always look to him to provide it to you. You can not build your world around him. Giving up control of your body does not mean you have given up control of your thoughts and emotions. You will experience them. There is radiance in the face of a woman who takes joy in her life and in that radiance be who you are. Yes, you are still his slave, but you are a woman who enjoys other things too. Get a hobby. If he is busy, you get busy doing something that you love and enjoy. You are still there if he calls for you, but you are not sitting there waiting on his every word.

Sometimes, no matter what you do, he does not listen. He continues the same behaviors that make you scream inside at his carelessness of your feelings. He does not listen when you try so hard to communicate to him what you need. The only thing I can tell you if or when this happens is that you may need to re-evaluate your relationship. At the end of the day, what counts more than anything else is the state of your self-esteem.

I have known men all my life. I have spoken with many who are Masters. The one thing they all, all of them, will tell you is this, "It is my job to know what the slave needs. I have to know how to go inside of her and bring out desires. I have to know when to stop, when to continue, when to punish, when to hold, when to let her cry on my shoulder. That is a Master - not one who wears a whip on his hip and never simply talks to his slave."

"Talking to my slave is my favorite pastime," I remember a man telling me "for in their minds is where their desires lay and it is not only sexual gratification that slaves are used for. They are to be loved, to be commanded, to be enjoyed…most definitely to be enjoyed."

Sandtiger and raine have only had one huge argument. It shook me to my very soul. Here was someone that I love dearly, whom, through my actions (and a bit of miscommunication) was furious with me and I do mean livid. The louder he yelled, the calmer I became. I got very still inside and said to myself, "That is not who I am." I will not fight in a chatroom or on the phone. I have grace and elegance and I refuse to do it. When I realized that I had raised my voice - in that moment - the answer I had been waiting for revealed itself. I realized that whether I was on trial (for lack of a better phrase) or we were simply going through a trial-difficulty, pain, illness, heartache - the trial stood outside of me, the argument was outside of me - failing, ranting and raving, trying to tell me who I am, or what I meant when I said this or that. I knew what I meant, I knew the way I had said it (written it) and I knew what was happening. I was not going to sit there and fight. The trial itself (whether it be argument, illness, financial difficulty) can not tell you what you did or who you are.

All trials force the question, Who are you, really? And you must trust yourself to answer. It's up to each of us to get very still and say, "This is who I am." No one else defines your life. Only you do.

I trust in the ebb and flow of the universe. I trust that life is bigger than what I can see. I trust that there is a divine order beyond my control. If Sandtiger and raine decided to call it quits. Yes it would be painful, yes I would still care about him, but I trust that no matter what happens, I will be alright.

I hope this helps. All I can do is to give you my thoughts experienced as a slave. I trust that everything happens for a reason, even when we're not wise enough to see it or when it's not readily apparent. So whenever trouble comes my way, I ask, "What is this here to teach me? What am I not seeing?"

I trust my inner voice when I listen. I trust the answer to come.